July 30, 2007

Hi all, We left town for a few days. Everyone kept telling us to just get away and I did feel like if I did not get out of the house I was going to be bonkers, so we left. We talked, we ate, we cried, and I have no clue if it helped at all. Nothing seems real.

I did meet with the DOT, thanks Geri for the encouragment. It is like hitting a brick wall, but we are plugging along. I have a call into the state rep and will see about going from there. The DOT says that it looks at $$$ to decide. I am trying to understand both sides.

I have to say when I arrived home last night I had a package. What a wonderful package. In this package is a mini scrapbook with cards, poems and well wishes from some very wonderful ladies. I can see myself reading it often and finding words to get me through the days. I was thinking last night if these ladies I hardly know are this wonderful to a near stranger how lucky those close to them must be. Words cannot express how much this gift has touched both of us.

This is Megan at her 20th birthday party on June 9th. Her friends threw her a swimming party complete with sombreros. She could not quit talking about how much fun they had. It is a happy memory for me.

A month

Today was one month. Some moments it seems like yesterday. We had everyone over this evening and Wade made one of Megan's favorite meals. He makes wonderful chinese style food and Megan would always call her friends to come over and eat with us.

It was a tough day. We stayed busy, or tried too, and we talked about the girls. People called and brought over cards, it was a day to remember.

We have a meeting with the department of transportation on Tuesday. I was told they said it is not cost effective to make trucks stop at the intersection and we are proposing that they put up at least a four way stop there. People we don't even know have suggested putting up stop lights. It will be an interesting meeting.

Megan and Kendall are everywhere I look. They are always with me. I know they are. I am hoping that I can live a life that Megan would be proud of.

I cannot tell you how glad I am that I take photos all the time. Megan and Kendall, 3 days old.

July 19, 2007

Holy cow I miss the girls. Seems like everything I do reminds me of them. They were so much a part of my life.

Picked more tomatos last night. Those bushes are so full that they sag to the ground. Sent another dozen home with Grandpa and Wade took a bag to work today. All the rain I guess has them producing tons this year. Some black-eye peas are already ready too. Megan would eat those tomatos off the bush so there are happy memories out there too.

July 17, 2007

It is a small world. It is amazing how many people you meet that already know someone you know. On top of that it is wonderful how amazing people are. My internet scrapbooking buddies from years ago and from recent times have sent me messages, cards and emails. Each one helps just a little bit more. A man told me today, "I don't know what to say or do to help you.", I told him that he just did, each "I'm sorry", each card, plant, visit etc lets us know that we are not alone and in some way each one helps.

Went to the eye doctor today, he says bifocals! Yikes, we are trying bifocal contact lenses. He says that they only work for about 30% of people so I have my fingers crossed.

I went and bought the Magic CD today. Megan had been waiting for it's release. It is by a new singer and she had marked on her calendar when to go buy it, so I did. We played that song at her service.

Only a month til I have to be back at school. Wonder what will happen when I have to be somewhere everyday.?

Yesterday I went by Taco Villa and got some lunch and went out and ate at the cemetary. I just sat there and talked to Megan and Kendall like they were there.

Love you girls.

July 15, 2007

Sometimes it seems I think about the wierdest things. Megan's car payment would be due today. She loved that car. It was her bling she said.

Rachel and her mom came by yesterday. They brought the most beautiful glass angel for us. It is called a comfort angel.

We went yesterday and bought a gas powered weed eater so we could go out on the highway and cut the weeds by the crosses for the girls. It was the first time I have been to the scene. The weeds were taller than the crosses.

Sometimes I feel like I am losing my mind. I feel like I am supposed to act like everything is okay, does that make any sense? But it is not okay, I am not sure anything will ever be okay again. There is a physical pain in my chest, I suppose the shock has worn off and now I have to deal with reality.

Here is a favorite photo. Kendall meeting her cousins. I have so many blessings.

July 13, 2007

Today Kendall would be 5 months old. I should be taking her next bear picture. It is a hard day.

We are keeping Tyler for the weekend. His parents are in a wedding out of town, they have had it planned for a year.

Jonathan made me the most wonderful drawing last night. It is in two parts that he taped together. The top part is about a foot about the bottom and it is a drawing of two angels. The bottom part is our house and I am standing beside it with him. He said that he knows how much I miss Megan and Kendall so he made me the picture. How sweet.

I was looking at photos today from the last year. Here is a cute one of Megan and Tyler on Halloween.
I miss you both so much. I love you.

Do you think?

Do you think I will ever wake and not feel like I am hit with a cement block? I mean I know I will always remember, never forget, but will there come a time that it does not hit me like that everytime I wake up? I asked Wade that this morning when we woke up, he understands exactly what I am saying, but he doesn't know the answer either.

I am so lucky to have him. He is there for me no matter what. Yesterday as I left the bank I lost it. I have no idea what triggered it, but I was just crying like crazy. I sat in the car and called him, told him I needed to just talk. He was ready to come get me, but I told him I just needed to talk and settle down. I hope I am a help to him too.

I love you girls.

July 9, 2007

We stayed up late talking about the girls. We both miss them so much. They were such a big part of my daily life.

I have to get my act together and get some stuff done today. You know like paying bills and such. And I need to go to the store. We need essentials like soap and stuff.

Guess I am just not into babbling this morning. Maybe I will post more later.

July 7, 2007

Today is a good day. I have been looking at photos of Meg and Kendall. How much joy they brought to us. There are so many good things to think about.

Shannon made me a wonderful shadow box with a photo and the quote from Megan. It is so beautiful. What a wonderful family I have. I am blessed.

Here is the quote:

Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets.So love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who dont& believe that everything happens for a reason.If you get a chance, take it, if it changes your life, let it.Nobody said it'd be easy, they just promised it would be worth it!

Look at the bikini I got for Kendall. Too cute!

I love you girls.

July 6, 2007

Today is a better day.

Finished up with one of the insurance claims, just the car, the other ones are pending. I guess paperwork keeps me busy.

Went to lunch with Shannon and Wendi. That was fun, I can't remember when I went out for lunch last.

The autopsy's came in the mail. I can't open them. Guess I will wait for Wade to get home.

It was strange to be out doing "normal" things today. You know the post office, the bank, the drug store etc.

I am thinking about doing some scrapping, maybe tomorrow.

I love you girls.

July 5, 2007

We went to my son's in-laws house last night for dinner and to watch fireworks. Each family bought some fireworks so our "display" lasted for nearly two hours. Some small and quite a few large ones. I tried to take some photos, will have to see how they came out.

There was a baby girl there, a couple months old, and after dark she started crying and Trek (he is 4) came running down the road yelling, "Kendall, Kendall is here!". Broke my heart.

Not much else to say today, not a good day. Guess I will have to work on that.

I love you Meg.

July 4th, 2007

Well I did it. I got my tattoo. It is two hearts, one a bit smaller than the other one, overlapped. I tried to take a photo, but it comes out really dark, might have to try taking one outside. And yes it did hurt. The outline not so much, but when he was "coloring" them in, Ouch. Of course I am a big baby too.

More flowers were delivered yesterday. How wonderful everyone is. Megan and Kendall received around 200 plants and flower arrangements. How wonderful is that?!

Yesterday afternoon I had a thought, I am going to make it. I know that sounds funny, but I don't think I was sure before that.

Took care of more insurance stuff yesterday. They are being so wonderful and patient with me. I am sure they have had to explain stuff ten times.

We talk about Megan and Kendall daily, I miss them so much. When I stand in the nursery I have such happy thoughts. I found Megan's jacket that she wore a couple weeks ago. It smells like her.

Here is a wonderful photo of Kendall. She was so happy.

July 3, 2007

One of my favorite photos. Megan's first Mothers Day.

So here is my first post. Who knows what I might have to say or how often I might say it. I know that I relive that day hundreds of times each waking moment. People tell me that I should take one day at a time, actually it is one minute at a time. How can this be real?


Everyone has been wonderful. The outpouring of love from everyone we know and even some we don't has been wonderful. Megan and Kendall touched so very many lives. Megan was beautiful inside and out. She was always kind to anyone she met.


I am going to call the tattoo man today. I am going to have a tattoo in memory of Megan and Kendall. It is my first and yes I am scared it will hurt. Her circle of friends are going to have one done too.