Today

I don't need the calendar to remind me of this day.  My heart knows it is coming, my subconscious tells my entire being that it is here.  Without thinking it is in my mind and the countdown begins to remind me of the worst day of my life.  
I don't need anyone to tell me of all my blessings, I truly know.  I am strong, I put on a good face, I will always miss my girls.

I love you girls.  Always and forever.

Red White and Blue Craft

As I was reading a blog this morning I came across these mason jars on Holy Craft
http://www.holy-craft.com/

I knew I wanted to try them out.  I did not have any painters tape on hand, so the lines are not perfect, and if I tried it again I would use a stencil for the stars and not free hand them.  But over all I really like how they look.  

So even though she doesn't know me, thanks to "Holy Craft" for the idea.

Love you girls

Life continues

Since I fell off the face of the earth, ummm not really, just the computer desk, life has continued.   We returned from the beach this month.   Such a relaxing break from everyday life.   I love sitting and watching the waves, I can loose track of time just watching.  

We replaced the flowers on the crosses Sunday Morning, the anniversary of our loss.  

We had a wonderful thunderstorm about 3 am this morning, love the rain, we need it for sure.

Some happenings from June:  Love this photo

Father's Day celebration:

Love you girls

Happy Birthday Megan

As always we spent Megan's birthday at the beach.  We celebrated with lighted balloons and champagne on the beach.  This year we celebrated her 25th birthday.  It is still such a struggle for me.  I try to hide it, and I do a good job, but I still cry.  I miss her so very much. 
I know she is thrilled that she gets us all together for a family vacation.  Family times were important to her. 
We took sand castle lessons again this year.  Such fun!  I love playing in the sand.

I love you girls

Caden's 5th birthday

This free scrapbooking design personalized with Smilebox

Love you girls

Happy Fathers Day

I am so blessed to have four amazing men in my life to honor on this day.  My husband, who has always put his children first, and taught them right from wrong and how to love.  Next my father - in -law, who showed me what a Dad is.  Next my son, who I have watched grow from a boy to a man and become a wonderful Daddy to his children, and my son-in-law who is the best Daddy to four of my grandchildren.  They are all such wonderful men and Dad's.  And I know that is not something that happens for everyone.  I am so blessed that my children and my grandchildren have a reason to celebrate today.

I love you girls.

We had a wonderful day yesterday on the beach.  Last night we wrote messages on balloons that I put light sticks in so they would "glow" and we released them.  It was a super way to celebrate Megan's birthday.  Then we all sat together and looked at photos of Megan and Kendall and talked about memories. 
I am so blessed to have these times with my family.

I love you girls

Happy Birthday Megan

Happy Birthday Megan
Love you

Yes, I am still around.  Since last fall I have had some rough times.  I know that I will miss the girls forever, I know that it will never be okay, but I felt like I had fallen back down a dark hole.  I did not share with anyone, only my wonderful hubby, I simply did nothing except go to work and come home.  No letters, no dinners out, no Christmas cards!   Pretending when anyone was around. Well, maybe we have found part of the problem.....hormones!  Yikes, after my "surgery" last July the doc wanted to see how I would do on my own, well I didn't even thing about it affecting me.  I am happy to say that about a month ago I called the doc and told them something was wrong. I worried that they would find nothing wrong and say I was depressed and put me on some meds.  The good news was that the blood work came back "bad".  (I say bad because it came back that my numbers were all whacked out) this was good news.  I am happy to say that after a little more than three weeks of nice little hormone pills I am not crying everyday, I actually feel better. 

I know that there will always be those times that missing the girls makes me cry, I know that there will always be those moments that make the memories flood back so quickly that it takes your breath away and catches you off guard.  And I am thankful for those memories.

Here is an Easter Photo:

I love you girls

Happy Anniversary and the Sunday Paper

As I was reading the paper I found this:
BRYANTS CELEBRATE 30TH ANNIVERSARY

Wade and Teresa Bryant were united in marriage on September 13, 1980 in Midland, Texas.

They have been blessed with 3 children and 7 grandchildren; Trisha and Brent Lightfoot, their four children, Jonathan, Trek, Caden, and Megan Lea. Christopher and Shannon Bryant, their two children, Tyler and Madison, all of Midland, Texas. Megan and her daughter, Kendall Bryant, whom are lovingly watching over them in Heaven.

Thank you Mom and Dad for all you have done for us. We love you!

Here is the link: to the paper also:
http://www.mywesttexas.com/life/celebrations/anniversaries/article_f3e0bc29-40fe-5652-bbdd-78832dd7cb0b.html

How wonderful are my children!  Thank you all.  We love you.

I miss you girls

All color cake

I make cakes for the grandkids birthdays.  I have made batman, spiderman, superman, winnie the pooh, clowns, bowling ball and pin, and even a bakugan cake.  So when Caden was deciding his cake, he told me "I just want an all color cake".  So here is what I did:
  With a white cake mix and food colors I made all colors and swirled them.  It turned out kinda neat.  And best of all when Caden saw it he said " Yep, that is just what I wanted."   Awww...makes a Nana smile.

Love you girls

Kentucky and a Hysterectomy

What a title!  LOL

I attended a conference in Louisville Kentucky this month.  They had some good sessions for work, so it was worth my time, and of course I got to sight see.  Went to the Louisville Slugger Museum, if you ever have the chance it is a great tour.  http://www.sluggermuseum.org/visitorguide.aspx

Rode on the Belle of Louisville, what an awesome original steamship.  The oldest still working.  http://www.belleoflouisville.org/   We went down to the steam engines and watched them work. 

Downtown Lousiville has a free trolley system, it was awesome to ride and see the city.  Louisville has Fourth Street Live.  It is like one great big party outdoors, concerts, etc.  Jason Jones/ and The Dirt Drifters were playing the night we were there, (new band).  http://www.4thstlive.com/      http://www.jasonjonesmusic.com/          http://www.thedirtdrifters.com/

Over all it was a great time.

And now after many issues I am recovering from a Hysterectomy.  It is not near as bad as I thought it would be.  The great thing is that they were able to do it as a Laparoscopic surgery.  He was able to leave one ovary so that is a good thing, but everything else is gone.  I had surgery Thursday morning, came home yesterday and this morning I feel pretty good.  Gonna be sore for a while, you know how it is when they cut on your tummy, and no lifting, mopping, vacumn, etc for 4 to 6 weeks, so not too bad.    I will be happy to "pay" this small price to no longer go through what I did every month. 

School is starting up, I have to be back this coming week.  Hope everyone had a great summer.

I Love you Girls.

beach photos

We had a great time at the beach in June.  The weather was perfect and we spent each day as beach bums.
Hunting crabs at dusk and building sand castles!  See the Thomas the Train castle!  Too cute huh?  You can see the townhouse we have stayed at for the last two years behind our awning. 

I miss you girls. 

Some Favorite Photos

I have been sorting and cleaning the last few weeks.  As I do I come across things that make me smile or laugh or yes even cry.  I have found some photos recently that I love, quite a few actually, they are from before my digital camera so I think I will scan a few at a time and share. 

I am on the last room now, my office/scrapbook space--holy cow what a mess , but I will plow through, even though sometimes it just seems like I am moving stuff from one side of the room to the other.  LOL

Megan and Kendall's rooms are the exception, they are still the same.  Sometimes it makes us pause in the hallway and shed some tears, sometimes it brings peace to walk in and sit on Megan's bed for a bit, or rock in the nursery rocker.  Maybe one day......

Here are some fab photos!  I love them.  They are all from August and September of 2004.

I love you girls.

The Beach

Here we are at the beach.  We come every year to celebrate Megan and Kendall's lives.  We arrived on Friday afternoon.  The water and sand have been wonderful.


I love you girls

Happy Birthday Megan

I love you girls

Tyler's first game

We are keeping busy with all the spring activities.  Tyler's first game was today!  Enjoy! I Love you girls

This is a Journey

I have decided this is a journey, not one I would choose, not one that I like, but a journey just the same.  I lose my way, have to make descisions about which way to go and struggle to get on track.   As strange as it may sound one of the most difficult for me has been my focus and my memory.  I never needed a calendar to remember dates or meetings, I could multi-task and talk at the same time.....that was Before.  

Before my world fell apart.....
Before I learned that nightmares do come true....
Before we lost Megan and Kendall......

As I read everything I can get my hands on about grief and how to survive this journey I have learned that I am not alone, and that this will not change.   But I can begin to adapt.  I use a calendar, which I write everything on, I take notes, and I can only do one thing at a time.  But I am not insane....this I know because of the willingness of others to write about their journey.  They are survivors of 8 years, 10 years, 15 years and they still need help.  So at least I know here at 2 years that I am "normal", that there is a way to make it, but it will always be a journey. 

I miss you girls.

Happy St Patricks Day

Kendall on St Patricks Day 2007


I love you Girls

Ruidoso

In January we took a trip with Trisha and her family to Ruidoso. We stayed in a beautiful "cabin" (house) up in the mountains. We had a wonderful time. We celebrated Trisha's birthday and enjoyed the peace and quiet. We kept Miss Megan while the boys and their parents went snow tubing, and we watched the kids for Trisha and Brent to go to the casino. Wade was the resident chef so we ate very well! Feeding the deer that walked up to the porch each day was a blast. It did not snow while we were there, but there was enough on the ground to have fun. And it was a good thing we took the jeep, going up those roads was "exciting"?

I love you girls.