This is a Journey

I have decided this is a journey, not one I would choose, not one that I like, but a journey just the same.  I lose my way, have to make descisions about which way to go and struggle to get on track.   As strange as it may sound one of the most difficult for me has been my focus and my memory.  I never needed a calendar to remember dates or meetings, I could multi-task and talk at the same time.....that was Before.  

Before my world fell apart.....
Before I learned that nightmares do come true....
Before we lost Megan and Kendall......

As I read everything I can get my hands on about grief and how to survive this journey I have learned that I am not alone, and that this will not change.   But I can begin to adapt.  I use a calendar, which I write everything on, I take notes, and I can only do one thing at a time.  But I am not insane....this I know because of the willingness of others to write about their journey.  They are survivors of 8 years, 10 years, 15 years and they still need help.  So at least I know here at 2 years that I am "normal", that there is a way to make it, but it will always be a journey. 

I miss you girls.