I still miss you

There is a new song (new to me anyway) It fits, here is the chorus:

I've talked to friends
I've talked to myself
I've talked to God
I prayed liked hell but I still miss you
I tried sober I tried drinking
I've been strong and I've been weak
and I still miss you
I've done everything to move on like I'm supposed to
I'd give anything for one more minute with you
I still miss you

It is exactly how I feel. There are some days that I think I will never be okay.

Love you girls

Well I started back to work today. I took a new position, I am math department chair at one of the junior high schools. It is going to be a change for me, which I think will be good. We kept Tyler and Madison tonight while Christopher and Shannon went to a wedding. Madison is sleeping and Tyler is still up watching Noggin.

I uploaded photos tonight and here a few from Vegas.

This is Wade's dad with some of the cast from the Sirens of TI.

I was following on the way down the strip.

This is one of the lions at MGM. It is kinda blurry since you have to see them through 3 inches of glass. Hmmmm wonder why? I love cats, big and small.

And tonight here is Ms. Maddie:

How wonderful it is that I am blessed with my family and friends.

I miss you girls. I love you

Why does it seem that talking about Megan and Kendall freaks everyone out? Sometimes it is like I say one of their names and suddenly everyone is quiet and uncomfortable. I'm not upset or crying or anything at these times, it is just a normal conversation and suddenly the air stops. Like a conversation about a teacher that someone was asking about and I said "You will love her, she was Megan's first grade teacher, she is so sweet" and suddenly no one wants to continue the conversation. In a way I want to just tell everyone that they are real, they are not someone I made up in my mind, they are not my imaginary friends, they are real. It is okay to talk about them. Guess that is my gripe for the day.

I love you girls

Las Vegas

We are home. Vegas was great. We had a good time. We talked about Megan alot, the things she would love and the places she would have gone. I did not realize how much this trip would affect me. As the plane started to take off suddenly I had tears streaming down my face, I had been in a grumpy mood for a couple of days and Wade wondered why I was not excited about leaving, I had no explanation for him, but when the tears began we both knew. Somewhere in my head I knew that Megan was supposed to be coming with us.

It is good to be home, have the laundry going and about 200 emails to check. I will post some photos later.

I love you girls.

I kept the kids yesterday while Shannon when to a wedding shower. We had a great time. Tyler played in the hot tub, (he calls it a bath tub) and Madison was swinging on the patio. She loves that swing. They wound up staying for the day and Wade made us crab legs and scallops for dinner. Yummy.

Trisha is still at the beach. They are having a good time. We are going to Vegas next week. In a way it has been planned for years, we were going to take Megan this summer since she turned 21 in June, so it will be a memory for us as well as a getaway before school starts.

I miss you girls.

Long Post

You know I post in my mind every night. Doesn't make sense huh? I mean I think about the day and what I would say, I just never get around to putting it in type. Sometimes I feel like it is just too down to write and other times I just don't get on the computer.

Fun News:
We got a hot tub. It was suggested for stress so we went shopping. Got a good deal and it is wonderful. We have sat in it every night and it really is relaxing. From there to shower and bed makes it easier to fall asleep. It is a 6-7 person tub with a waterfall and LED lights. Kinda cool. The kids think it is great and the grandkids think it is a pool.

Family News:
Trisha and her family are gone again. This time to the beach. I miss them when they are away. I got the boys a new webkinz to give to them when they get back. Trisha's first doctor's appointment is on the 1st. She is feeling pretty good.
Christopher and his family are doing good. Madison is growing so very fast. Tyler is learning to play games with others (like candy land etc...)


We have been having a rough time of it lately. Neither of us can explain why, it just is.

Frustration:
A couple weeks ago when we went to see the girls we found that they had somehow made two huge ruts in their grave. It appeared that they had been backing something (we think a trailer) through the area and when they hit that spot it sunk into the ground. Now we know that they must use large tractors etc in their jobs, but we really felt like they should have done something about the holes they left. They stopped when they sank and drove back forward, but left these without filling them or anything. They were about 9 inches deep on each end. Well my FIL filled them in with dirt and put some grass on them the best he could and he told them in the office about it. So we went back a few days later and I was cleaning off the headstone and realized that the vase was bent (keep in mind it is made of solid bronze) and lopsided. Apparently they ran over the girls' flower vase with something and did not bother to tell anyone. This time I went to the office, no one was there, so I went back at 8 the next morning. I asked for the manager (I had heard that there was a new one) and waited for him. He said that someone should have called and told us that they damaged the vase and they would order one and call and let me know when it would arrive. I then also told him about the "holes" and he said he had no knowledge of them and I told him that it was reported to the office. He said they would take care of it. A couple days later when I went out the holes had been filled in with nice dirt and it looks good, so I stopped by the office to tell them thanks and ask if the vase was ordered. He said oh I thought we called you. It will be in next week and we will call. Guess what? They didn't call again, when I went by today it was there. I stopped in the office and she said oh did you see the new vase, I said yes, but you never called.

I love you girls

scrapping again

Well I have gotten back to actually scrapping. As in I have finished 8 pages in the last day and a half. Yea! (in addition to the bear books.). What are bear books? For each grandchild I have taken a photo on the day they come home from the hospital and then one each month for their first year. I then have made a book (8 x 8) for them. Each 2 page "layout" has a paper pieced bear with the monthly theme and the month on the left page, then the right page has their photo with the bear and a quote along with their current age. The boys love to look at their books and it is awesome to see how they grew the first year in each book.

Been a rough couple days, don't really know why. Guess I will never really be expecting those days, they just come along.

Trisha and her family are at the lake with her in laws, they will be home Sunday night. I miss them when they are gone. I am so lucky that I get to see them everyday. Christopher and his family came for dinner last night. We cooked out hot dogs and sat on the patio until dark thirty just talking. It was great. I bought the wonder pets beanie babies for Tyler, he is so cute. Ming Ming is his favorite.

Yes the wii fit is funny sometimes. I want to comment back to her sometimes. But it is fun and I think it does benefit me.

Hugs to you all and have a great weekend.
Love you girls.