It's a girl!

So much goes on, I still "journal" in my head, but seldom make it to the computer. Here are some happenings!

It's a girl. Yep, Trisha is having a girl. She has three boys and number four is a girl. How exciting. She is due in Feburary (near Kendall's birthday) and they are naming her Megan Lee. (Megan, well for Megan and Lee is for Brent's sister who died in a car accident 11 years ago) How wonderful that we will have two little girls with such wonderful namesakes. ( you remember that Madison Renay was named using Kendall and Megan's middle names)

Madison and Megan will be less than a year apart in age and will be loved by all. How wonderful that they will have a friend among all those boys. :) Life is amazing.

School has started (with the kids) this week. Somehow the first week of school is exhausting for everyone. No matter how much sleep or rest or how ready you are, parents, student and teachers are tired! I have been in bed by or before 9 all week.

Jonathan and Trek had their first day of school. They are so very excited about going to school together. Here they are on the first day of school.

Our birthday's ( mine and Wade's) were this week. Oh my gosh I was not ready for how hard that would be. As we talked, I guess we figured out that last year we were still in shock and sort of numb, but this year it was hard to face that Megan and Kendall were not here. So very many birthday memories and they all included Megan, Trisha and Christopher, giving us birthday surprises, it was a very hard day.

It made me remember the lady (she had lost a child years ago) who told me shortly after the accident that I would have to hang on because if I thought the first year was hard I was in for a shock because the second year is worse. Ya know, I think she was right. I guess the first year you are just trying to survive, and maybe the second you have to learn how to live again? I really have no clue.

To all of you who are always here for me, thank you. You are more help than you can ever imagine.

I love you girls.

I still miss you

There is a new song (new to me anyway) It fits, here is the chorus:

I've talked to friends
I've talked to myself
I've talked to God
I prayed liked hell but I still miss you
I tried sober I tried drinking
I've been strong and I've been weak
and I still miss you
I've done everything to move on like I'm supposed to
I'd give anything for one more minute with you
I still miss you

It is exactly how I feel. There are some days that I think I will never be okay.

Love you girls

Well I started back to work today. I took a new position, I am math department chair at one of the junior high schools. It is going to be a change for me, which I think will be good. We kept Tyler and Madison tonight while Christopher and Shannon went to a wedding. Madison is sleeping and Tyler is still up watching Noggin.

I uploaded photos tonight and here a few from Vegas.

This is Wade's dad with some of the cast from the Sirens of TI.

I was following on the way down the strip.

This is one of the lions at MGM. It is kinda blurry since you have to see them through 3 inches of glass. Hmmmm wonder why? I love cats, big and small.

And tonight here is Ms. Maddie:

How wonderful it is that I am blessed with my family and friends.

I miss you girls. I love you

Why does it seem that talking about Megan and Kendall freaks everyone out? Sometimes it is like I say one of their names and suddenly everyone is quiet and uncomfortable. I'm not upset or crying or anything at these times, it is just a normal conversation and suddenly the air stops. Like a conversation about a teacher that someone was asking about and I said "You will love her, she was Megan's first grade teacher, she is so sweet" and suddenly no one wants to continue the conversation. In a way I want to just tell everyone that they are real, they are not someone I made up in my mind, they are not my imaginary friends, they are real. It is okay to talk about them. Guess that is my gripe for the day.

I love you girls

Las Vegas

We are home. Vegas was great. We had a good time. We talked about Megan alot, the things she would love and the places she would have gone. I did not realize how much this trip would affect me. As the plane started to take off suddenly I had tears streaming down my face, I had been in a grumpy mood for a couple of days and Wade wondered why I was not excited about leaving, I had no explanation for him, but when the tears began we both knew. Somewhere in my head I knew that Megan was supposed to be coming with us.

It is good to be home, have the laundry going and about 200 emails to check. I will post some photos later.

I love you girls.