Sunday, September 30, 2007

September 30

Wow I have not been on the computer in a while. Went to the doctor on the 18th and he prescribed some medication for me. The headaches are gone now. My head was hurting constantly and I was feeling nausea often. He said that my body was still feeling like it was in danger and could not help itself. I guess he was right, because I do feel better physically. This is a good thing. I also got my last rabies shot. Yippiee.

I took the boys to the fair yesterday. It is a yearly tradition since Jonathan turned one. Nana and the boys go play the games and ride the rides. I will have to post some photos. I thought about the fact that Megan and I had talked about taking Kendall this year.

My online friends are wonderful. They remind me often that I am thought of even though I have not been around for a couple weeks. I have a goal to post or visit the boards at least everyother day now. I think that getting back to some usual things will help. Next I really want to scrap. I did clean off my table that I have just been stacking things on, so now I just have to get started. I guess I am not sure what is going to happen, will I be able to remember and enjoy, or will I fall apart?

We have been invited to the airshow today with some old friends. I have never been, but I guess we are going to try it.

Hugs to everyone.
I love you girls.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007


When I went to the doctor today we had a long talk. At least I feel like what I am going through is "normal" if there is such a thing as normal anymore. The headaches, nausea and the inability to sleep should start to go away within 6 months, but they are normal. I was really starting to think I was falling apart!

So we will continue, one day at a time.

When a parent dies, you lose your past; when a child dies, you lose your future.

A wife who loses a husband is called a widow. A husband who loses a wife is called a widower. A child who loses his parents is called an orphan. But...there is no word for a parent who loses a child, that's how awful the loss is! - Neugeboren 1976,

September 18th

I am going to get my final rabies shot today. Yippie.

We went and had lunch with the girls on Sunday. Their headstone is rusting. There is rust coming out from around the flowers and stuff. When I went to talk to them yesterday they said there must have been a mistake made in the manufacturing process, a step left out or something with the final seal. ?? Anyway they are ordering a new one. Makes me sad.

Today is my son's third wedding anniversary. Each year for the kids I google what the gift should be, the traditional/modern gift for each year, and then shop for something that matches that. Last year was cotton, this year was glass or leather.

I don't have much to chat about, a friend mentioned that maybe it is because nothing really seems important anymore. She may be right.
Love you girls.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Today is....

Today is many things. I have been married for 27 years today. How wonderful it is that I have him. That makes this a good day.

Today Kendall would be 7 months old. She would be starting to crawl and have even more personality. That makes this a bad day.

Tomorrow will be 12 weeks. I talked to an old friend the other day. She lost her son a few years ago. She told me that when I make the 1 year mark it will feel like a victory. I have a long way to go.

I thank God everyday for all those who continue to pray for us. The ones who call just to say "hey I was thinking of you", those that ask "how is today" all the while understanding that it may lead to a lengthy babble, we are so fortunate to have so very many people who are keeping us going.

I miss my girls, I love them so very much.

Monday, September 10, 2007

September 11,2007

Trisha called and Trek ( he is 4) was reading a book and somehow turned the page in his eye? How could he do that? Anyway it scratched all the way across. The doctor gave him some goop for his eye, an eye patch and tylenol with codeine (sp?) for the pain. Yikes!! Poor kid.
This is him, isn't he a cutie?

Eleven weeks. Sounds like a long time. And yet sometimes it seems like yesterday. I thought I heard Kendall crying last night. When I woke up it took me a few seconds to realize I couldn't have.

My brain still does not function like it should, I can't remember things and I have a hard time focusing, my mind wanders alot. And sometimes it is not even that I am thinking of the girls, I just phase out.

I miss you girls.

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Yesterday was a bad day so I went to see the girls last night, took a blanket and just sat out there and talked to them for about an hour. Cried my eyes out and then was able to come home and deal with life. I have no idea what makes some days worse than others.

It was good to visit with my sister and her girls this past weekend. We had a good time, and they are okay with talking about the girls so I don't have to be careful what I say. I still talk about them like they are in the next room sometimes.

As usual the first couple weeks of school have left me exhausted, as they do all teachers. Somehow it is always tough to get back into a routine that gets everything done.

I have a hard time coming home in the afternoons as Megan was always here waiting on me and then Her and Kendall were both here. I would arrive home and give Megan a break from the all day baby workout new moms get. Now I dread coming into an empty house.

I just want to scream to the world that life is Not Fair. I try to realize that many folks already know that as well as I do. I am still seriously considering buying some cheap dishes just so I can go break them. Do you think that is wasteful?

This photo is from Meg's 19th birthday. She is so beautiful.
I love you girls!