Saturday, May 31, 2008

Jeepers it has been hot here. 102 yesterday and supposed to be 105 today. Yikes. Yesterday morning the transformer blew at about 6:40 am so we got ready for work in the dark, no hair dryer, no coffee, nothing. Called the electric company and they said they would have it up and running by 9am. Got home just before 5 and guess what, because I have not put my key back on my keychain, I could not get in because the electricity was still off! Garage door openers do not work without it! Checked every window---all locked, good for us huh? So called electric again and they said by 7 at the latest. Went to Barnes and Nobles with a friend to walk around where it was cool so I could wait to get in my house. Crazy huh?

Only a week till we leave for the beach. I am looking forward to it.

It is still hard for me to believe my new reality.
I love you girls.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Been a crazy three days. Jonathan put his hand/arm through the window from the backyard last night. He received 15 stitches in three areas at the emergency room. He was pretty brave though. Poor guy. His ball game was tonight and they won again! 9-1 He did not get to play of course, but he did help me keep score and cheered on his team. They play for the championship on Thursday night yippiee!!
I went to see the girls at lunch today. Sat and talked to Megan and Kendall while I ate. It is so hot here now, in the triple digits the last two days.
I am going to see about having a shirt made for the beach/Megan's birthday. Everyone wants one.
I miss you girls

Sunday, May 18, 2008

The kids and Wade went in together and bought me a charm bracelet for Mother's Day. They each gave me a charm that had meaning and then also the double heart for Megan and Kendall. Yesterday we went to the mall and Wade chose two more charms for me. The mother daughter one and a heart that will have M on one side and K on the other.

Sarah, Sara and Rachel came to see me this week. How wonderful to see them. We just sat and talked about memories. It was awesome.

School will be out soon, lucky for me that I have inservice many times this summer, I think it will help keep me busy. I am afraid of what would happen if I had nothing I HAD to do.

Jonathan's tournament for little league started last night. It was great. They won their game 21 to 7. So we continue on in the tournament. We play again on Tuesday.

Roxie is doing well, (the cat that swallowed the stamp) so is eating again and acting sorta of like herself.

The beach is coming up soon. I need to make a list of things so I won't forget them and I need to make plans for Megan's birthday.

I love you girls.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Mother's Day

Here it is the day I have been dreading. Funny huh? I love being a mom, it has been the most rewarding, exciting part of my life. Yet, today is bitter sweet. Last year Megan was so happy to have joined the "moms" of life, and this year she is missing. In addition, I am missing one of my own. We are going to go see the girls and we are making one of Megan's favorite meals for dinner.

On a brighter note, Madison was a month old yesterday and we have to take her second bear photo today.

May you all have wonderful Mother's Days!

I miss you girls.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

I am here. I have been journaling in a book and so I was not posting, but I am here. There are still days I wish I could just fall off the world and some days that I feel like I have. I have been told that 3 to 5 years of that is "normal", holy cow I hate that word.

There have been so many hurdles to get through this spring, we had to file Megan's taxes--who would have thought, but you have too, it was a very hard thing to do. The lawsuit with the trucking company has finally been settled, what a bunch of hooey.

Baseball has started up again. Megan loved baseball. I am so glad we took her to a real game. I still remember how excited she was. Jonathan is playing again and I go to the games, they even have memories for me since I took Kendall to every game with me last year.

I feel like the rollar coaster is coming full force now. Mother's Day is going to be a shocker, I keep thinking about last year when we talked about the fact that all of my children were parents. Megan was so excited that she was a mom. Then around the corner is Megan's birthday and then the most awful day of the year is looming. My support group is wonderful. They are here for me.

It seems like everything I do is connected somehow and although I seem to be getting through it more evenly, I just keep wondering when it will quit hitting me in the head sometimes full force, and sometimes with no warning. The counselor calls that an ambush, and says there is nothing you can do about it, just cry it out. The group I was attending had one discussion that said there may be days that you just decide to not get out of bed, I am afraid to do that because if I let myself do it once, I am not sure I would ever decide to get back up.

Family and friends keep me going, the occasional phone call or email that says "just thinking of you" helps so much. The fact that I have a few co-workers that are just there when I have tears in my eyes, I am so very blessed to have so very many people to care.

I love you girls.