And the holidays are coming around again. Last year I think I just survived them, this year I am going to have to actually live through them. The numb is gone and I have to feel again. I really don't want to.
Some things I have been learning:
I will have emotional highs, lows, ups and downs. I wish everyone would not think that if I have a good day my grief is all over, or that if I have a bad day I should be committed.
I wish everyone would not expect my grief to be over. The first few years are going to be exceedingly traumatic. As with alcoholics, I will never be "cured" or a "former bereaved parent", but will forevermore be a "recovering bereaved parent".
I wish everyone was not afraid to speak my child's name. My child lived, was important and I need to hear her name.
I wish that if I cry or get emotional you would know that it is not because you have hurt me, the fact that my child died caused the tears. You have allowed me to cry and I thank you.
I love you girls.