Sunday, March 28, 2010

This is a Journey

I have decided this is a journey, not one I would choose, not one that I like, but a journey just the same.  I lose my way, have to make descisions about which way to go and struggle to get on track.   As strange as it may sound one of the most difficult for me has been my focus and my memory.  I never needed a calendar to remember dates or meetings, I could multi-task and talk at the same time.....that was Before.  

Before my world fell apart.....
Before I learned that nightmares do come true....
Before we lost Megan and Kendall......

As I read everything I can get my hands on about grief and how to survive this journey I have learned that I am not alone, and that this will not change.   But I can begin to adapt.  I use a calendar, which I write everything on, I take notes, and I can only do one thing at a time.  But I am not insane....this I know because of the willingness of others to write about their journey.  They are survivors of 8 years, 10 years, 15 years and they still need help.  So at least I know here at 2 years that I am "normal", that there is a way to make it, but it will always be a journey. 

I miss you girls.

4 comments:

Cheryl said...

This is a journey that I am so sorry you have to take. The absolute worst and you are and will continue to be in my prayers. We love you!

Charlotte said...

*hugs*

Jason Hickerson said...

Your granddaughter was and is so beautiful. I can't imagine what you feel, but I wanted you to know that I think of you and read your blog sometimes.

Deanna said...

Thank you for your sweet comment! I have missed you and thought about you often! Hope you're doing well.
~Deanna Keese