Well, as you can see I have not been on the computer in some time now. I have been trying to get around to writing here. I had more than 400 emails to look at when I finally signed on again. Yikes.
Started back to work and it was like starting all over again. I have also started grief counseling. I was skeptical, but it is really helping. It also lets me know that I am "normal". The first step I am told is acceptance and it can take up to a year. I feel better knowing that because there are some days that I know I have not accepted it, and wonder if I ever will.
One analogy I heard was it is like being under a pile of rocks and trying to climb out, I was feeling like I was making progress, but the last month it has been like the rocks fell back on me and I have to start over again. I have not wanted to write, talk or do anything else. The counselor said that I should plan ahead for days I know will be bad, so we are planning Kendall's first birthday. On February 13th she will be one. I am going to take a balloon bouquet to place on their headstone.
I am going to write more often, part of my "therapy" is to journal so this is as good a place as any. I had to define my comfort places, the places I go when things are bad, they are either sitting in the nursery in the rocking chair, or laying on Megan's bed. When I cannot handle life I can spend some time in these places and then I can face the world again.
Take care all.
I love you girls.