8 Months

Kendall is 8 months old today. How I miss holding that baby girl. It has been 16 weeks since the accident and I still walk down the hall and look in Megan's room to see if she is there. Crazy huh?

Where does the week go? I am not as organized as I used to be so things take me longer. I guess that might be why I don't have the extra time I had before. I don't get to the computer everyday and when I do I often just have a minute to check email. We both do more things that keep us out of the house, I suppose that is a defense mechanism from our sub-conscious. Who knows? Anyway, so much for my goal of posting more often.

I am going for a mammogram this morning. It is a fun way to start the day.

My daughter and daughter - in- law took the boys to the pumpkin patch this week. It has been a yearly event since Jonathan was 2. They have so much fun and came over afterwards just bubbling with excitement about what they did there. I love them all so very much. Trek is 4 and he still does not really understand about the girls so he bought baby Kendall a "wittle" pumpkin too. He does not want her to be left out.

Here they are:

I love you girls.

Wow it has been a fast week. It was the end of the 6 weeks at school so grades and reports kept me busy.

Jonathan ( my oldest grandson) lost his first tooth. He was so excited that the toothfairy came to see him. How cute they are and how fast they grow up. We keep the boys each Thursday evening so that their parents can have a date night. It is only long enough for dinner out, but I can remember how those days were and an hour or two alone is wonderful.

We are talking about Megan's birthday. It is not until June, but she would have been 21 so we want to do something special. She loved going to the beach, so I think we might spend her birthday there with the family. I know it will be a hard time.

Today I get to clean house, do laundry, pay bills and all that fun stuff that seems to go on and on. I really love my house when it is all clean.

Not much to say, nothing has really changed, just making it day to day. Which is an improvement from making it minute to minute. So that is a good thing.

I love you girls.

September 30

Wow I have not been on the computer in a while. Went to the doctor on the 18th and he prescribed some medication for me. The headaches are gone now. My head was hurting constantly and I was feeling nausea often. He said that my body was still feeling like it was in danger and could not help itself. I guess he was right, because I do feel better physically. This is a good thing. I also got my last rabies shot. Yippiee.

I took the boys to the fair yesterday. It is a yearly tradition since Jonathan turned one. Nana and the boys go play the games and ride the rides. I will have to post some photos. I thought about the fact that Megan and I had talked about taking Kendall this year.

My online friends are wonderful. They remind me often that I am thought of even though I have not been around for a couple weeks. I have a goal to post or visit the boards at least everyother day now. I think that getting back to some usual things will help. Next I really want to scrap. I did clean off my table that I have just been stacking things on, so now I just have to get started. I guess I am not sure what is going to happen, will I be able to remember and enjoy, or will I fall apart?

We have been invited to the airshow today with some old friends. I have never been, but I guess we are going to try it.

Hugs to everyone.
I love you girls.

Quotes

When I went to the doctor today we had a long talk. At least I feel like what I am going through is "normal" if there is such a thing as normal anymore. The headaches, nausea and the inability to sleep should start to go away within 6 months, but they are normal. I was really starting to think I was falling apart!

So we will continue, one day at a time.

When a parent dies, you lose your past; when a child dies, you lose your future.
Anonymous

A wife who loses a husband is called a widow. A husband who loses a wife is called a widower. A child who loses his parents is called an orphan. But...there is no word for a parent who loses a child, that's how awful the loss is! - Neugeboren 1976,

September 18th

I am going to get my final rabies shot today. Yippie.

We went and had lunch with the girls on Sunday. Their headstone is rusting. There is rust coming out from around the flowers and stuff. When I went to talk to them yesterday they said there must have been a mistake made in the manufacturing process, a step left out or something with the final seal. ?? Anyway they are ordering a new one. Makes me sad.

Today is my son's third wedding anniversary. Each year for the kids I google what the gift should be, the traditional/modern gift for each year, and then shop for something that matches that. Last year was cotton, this year was glass or leather.

I don't have much to chat about, a friend mentioned that maybe it is because nothing really seems important anymore. She may be right.
Love you girls.

Today is....

Today is many things. I have been married for 27 years today. How wonderful it is that I have him. That makes this a good day.

Today Kendall would be 7 months old. She would be starting to crawl and have even more personality. That makes this a bad day.

Tomorrow will be 12 weeks. I talked to an old friend the other day. She lost her son a few years ago. She told me that when I make the 1 year mark it will feel like a victory. I have a long way to go.

I thank God everyday for all those who continue to pray for us. The ones who call just to say "hey I was thinking of you", those that ask "how is today" all the while understanding that it may lead to a lengthy babble, we are so fortunate to have so very many people who are keeping us going.

I miss my girls, I love them so very much.

September 11,2007

Trisha called and Trek ( he is 4) was reading a book and somehow turned the page in his eye? How could he do that? Anyway it scratched all the way across. The doctor gave him some goop for his eye, an eye patch and tylenol with codeine (sp?) for the pain. Yikes!! Poor kid.

This is him, isn't he a cutie?

Eleven weeks. Sounds like a long time. And yet sometimes it seems like yesterday. I thought I heard Kendall crying last night. When I woke up it took me a few seconds to realize I couldn't have.

My brain still does not function like it should, I can't remember things and I have a hard time focusing, my mind wanders alot. And sometimes it is not even that I am thinking of the girls, I just phase out.

I miss you girls.