I kept the kids yesterday while Shannon when to a wedding shower. We had a great time. Tyler played in the hot tub, (he calls it a bath tub) and Madison was swinging on the patio. She loves that swing. They wound up staying for the day and Wade made us crab legs and scallops for dinner. Yummy.

Trisha is still at the beach. They are having a good time. We are going to Vegas next week. In a way it has been planned for years, we were going to take Megan this summer since she turned 21 in June, so it will be a memory for us as well as a getaway before school starts.

I miss you girls.

Long Post

You know I post in my mind every night. Doesn't make sense huh? I mean I think about the day and what I would say, I just never get around to putting it in type. Sometimes I feel like it is just too down to write and other times I just don't get on the computer.

Fun News:
We got a hot tub. It was suggested for stress so we went shopping. Got a good deal and it is wonderful. We have sat in it every night and it really is relaxing. From there to shower and bed makes it easier to fall asleep. It is a 6-7 person tub with a waterfall and LED lights. Kinda cool. The kids think it is great and the grandkids think it is a pool.

Family News:
Trisha and her family are gone again. This time to the beach. I miss them when they are away. I got the boys a new webkinz to give to them when they get back. Trisha's first doctor's appointment is on the 1st. She is feeling pretty good.
Christopher and his family are doing good. Madison is growing so very fast. Tyler is learning to play games with others (like candy land etc...)


We have been having a rough time of it lately. Neither of us can explain why, it just is.

Frustration:
A couple weeks ago when we went to see the girls we found that they had somehow made two huge ruts in their grave. It appeared that they had been backing something (we think a trailer) through the area and when they hit that spot it sunk into the ground. Now we know that they must use large tractors etc in their jobs, but we really felt like they should have done something about the holes they left. They stopped when they sank and drove back forward, but left these without filling them or anything. They were about 9 inches deep on each end. Well my FIL filled them in with dirt and put some grass on them the best he could and he told them in the office about it. So we went back a few days later and I was cleaning off the headstone and realized that the vase was bent (keep in mind it is made of solid bronze) and lopsided. Apparently they ran over the girls' flower vase with something and did not bother to tell anyone. This time I went to the office, no one was there, so I went back at 8 the next morning. I asked for the manager (I had heard that there was a new one) and waited for him. He said that someone should have called and told us that they damaged the vase and they would order one and call and let me know when it would arrive. I then also told him about the "holes" and he said he had no knowledge of them and I told him that it was reported to the office. He said they would take care of it. A couple days later when I went out the holes had been filled in with nice dirt and it looks good, so I stopped by the office to tell them thanks and ask if the vase was ordered. He said oh I thought we called you. It will be in next week and we will call. Guess what? They didn't call again, when I went by today it was there. I stopped in the office and she said oh did you see the new vase, I said yes, but you never called.

I love you girls

scrapping again

Well I have gotten back to actually scrapping. As in I have finished 8 pages in the last day and a half. Yea! (in addition to the bear books.). What are bear books? For each grandchild I have taken a photo on the day they come home from the hospital and then one each month for their first year. I then have made a book (8 x 8) for them. Each 2 page "layout" has a paper pieced bear with the monthly theme and the month on the left page, then the right page has their photo with the bear and a quote along with their current age. The boys love to look at their books and it is awesome to see how they grew the first year in each book.

Been a rough couple days, don't really know why. Guess I will never really be expecting those days, they just come along.

Trisha and her family are at the lake with her in laws, they will be home Sunday night. I miss them when they are gone. I am so lucky that I get to see them everyday. Christopher and his family came for dinner last night. We cooked out hot dogs and sat on the patio until dark thirty just talking. It was great. I bought the wonder pets beanie babies for Tyler, he is so cute. Ming Ming is his favorite.

Yes the wii fit is funny sometimes. I want to comment back to her sometimes. But it is fun and I think it does benefit me.

Hugs to you all and have a great weekend.
Love you girls.

I'm here. Made it through the week. It's kinda ironic that I think memories are so wonderful and important, yet at the same time they cripple me too. It is getting better though. I can see that I will have a "new normal", the question is when. I think for everyone it is different. I have talked with four other people who lost children in an accident now, and the time frames are a bit different. Although they all say it will never be okay. Still reading, have another line that I realize is true. "If you are waiting for me to get back to my old self you will be disappointed, I will never be the same, I will be a new person, I hope you will wait to see if you still like me".

I scrapped a page this week, Made Caden's bear book, and with the help of a friend got the paper to finish Kendall's bear book. I have been trying to get back into life, one step at a time.

I bought a Wiifit yesterday. Did not have time to get it all set up yet, but am planning that for today. It was an implus buy. They just got in a shipment at Sams and I thought "why not". It sounds really neat. I think the yoga exercises might be soothing. We will see.

Trisha took the boys to see the Critter Expo at the Science Spectrum yesterday. They emailed me this photo last night. Sounds like they had a great time.

Miss you girls.

It is raining this morning. Yea!

I took the boys bowling yesterday. Then we went to Chuckie Cheese for lunch. We had a great time and they played and ate and played some more. It was a good day for all of us.


Went and picked out flowers for Megan and Kendall. I chose a variety of different flowers in different shades of pink.

This is the most awful week. I keep remembering, "last year on this day we were....." and last year we were planning............. I was told that the anniversary would be terrible, they were right.

I met with a lady this week who was involved with compassionate friends when there was a chapter here years ago. She lost two children 11 years and 20 years ago. She told me that although I will always cry, that I will learn to go on. She also told me that the second year is worse than the first. It is good to talk to a survivor.

I miss you girls.

Ahhhh..................more proof that I am blessed. Trisha called last night. They are expecting a baby. How wonderful. I can't wait.

More about the beach. The elevator made sure life was interesting. When we first arrived it did not work. Now think about the fact that we were on the 5th floor. The lady by the pool and the man we met on the stairs said it had been out of order since the day before. Yikes. I called the rental agency and they said they would try to call someone, but since it was the weekend they did not know if they could. Not okay with me so I called the building owner (the number was on the building) and they had a "press 16 if this call cannot wait until our next business hours" so I did and told them that I could not wait two days for an elevator. Guess what? They were there in about an hour and had it up and going a short time later. Yea!

So on Monday we were headed out to the beach, I was going down with Shannon, Christopher, Tyler and the baby. As we held the door for the stroller Tyler walked under our arms, we turned around and he was gone. Now there was no where to go, we were the only ones on the top floor, but there was the elevator. Now since it makes no sounds (no dings or chimes, I will explain later) we did not know that he pushed the button and it opened right up, like in seconds. Christopher took the stairs, we took the elevator, met a man that said he thought he heard someone calling "mommy" on the 2nd floor, so off we went. we actually found him on the 3rd floor, standing in the hallway waiting. Oh my gosh! It was really only a minute, but it felt like forever.

Go ahead to Tuesday night. We are sitting at the pool, all of us, and Trisha says she is going to run up and use the restroom. We are talking, the kids are swimming and then we realize Trisha has not returned. We said oh, hope the elevator did not quit again. Shannon said it scared her sometimes because it acts funny, and we all agreed that we hoped we did not get stuck. Then a man comes out to the pool looking for Brent. He said that Brent's wife was stuck in the elevator on the 3rd floor. Oh my! Christopher and I took the stairs. Trisha was in there all right. Now the phone did work---it called a center that gave you a recording to wait on hold if there was an emergency. She waited and the lady that came on told her that she could push the alarm button to alert people that she was in the elevator, nope did not work, then there is a call button that is supposed to drop you to the nearest floor and open the door, nope did not work, there is a chime button, nope did not work. She said the lady said she would try to send someone soon. I called the rental place, he said oh I will try to contact someone. I called the building owner, pushed 16 again to leave a message. No luck so far, the man who had just happened to be returning from dinner and had to take the stairs to his 4th floor and had just by luck heard Trisha in there went to his car and got a crow bar. The rental place called back and said the fire department was on the way, the man pried open the door (by the way no fan in there either) and we got Trisha out and here was the fire department. They have a cool key that was supposed to open the door, nope did not work---and here came the elevator guy. Yes I got a photo of the fire truck! :)

So the next day I called the building company and told the lady that I felt they should know that the alarm etc did not work on their elevator, they passed me right along to the manager who told me that yes it all did work, I told him nope and he said yes he knew it did because someone was just trapped in there and got out. I told him that was my daughter and that I knew the stuff did not work because I was there. He then said oh well they elevator had been vandalized a week or so ago and they were going to fix it. Wade said they probably have to now because the fire department keeps records.

How is that for a long post? :0

love you girls.

I don't think I really expected to feel so much this week. It is like the weight is back on my chest and I cannot breathe. I know it is the calendar looming over me. I am reliving that morning over and over again. That part had faded, it was not a daily review in my mind and now that is back. Him asking "Are you Mrs. Bryant?" me replying not with an answer to his question, but with a "who's hurt?".
him: " Do you have a daughter named Megan?"
me: "where is she, lets go"
him: "I am sorry ma'am, she did not make it"
me: not breathing, "Where is the baby?"
him: " I'm sorry I understand neither one of them made it"
me: screaming
After that I have few memories of what happened for a couple of weeks. There are bits and parts, and people have told me things, guess that is how your body survives.

I am back to survival, one day at a time. I know Megan and Kendall are watching over us, I know that she sends us signs that she is there. I know she is telling me that they are okay.

I love you girls.