It has been 101 weeks. 707 days.......sounds like a long time. Some days it feels like yesterday I was holding Kendall and talking to Megan, I still miss them so very much. Yet look at how much has happened in those 707 days. We have welcomed two new little girls into our immediate family. Madison Renay and Megan Lea. (Megan would have been so very excited to have two little nieces! ) We have celebrated birthdays and holidays, planted trees, got a new roof and helped Christopher and Shannon move into a new home. I have changed jobs and we have new vehicles.

Wade's cousin had her baby a few days ago. She is a beautiful little girl. Her grandma is so very excited! About time she got to be grandma and she is also going to be one again this fall! How exciting! And another baby coming along in our lives, Megan's friend Tonia came by last night. She had her sonogram yesterday and it is a girl! She is so very excited. Babies are so wonderful, such a miracle gift from God.

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. What a wonderful day to be able to celebrate. We helped the boys make gifts for their moms! How much fun we had. I will post the photos later, just in case the mom's peek at this before tomorrow.
If you are a parent you will realize that you keep time in your head by your children. What I mean is that you will remember when something was because you know it happened when Christopher was seven or just after Trisha was born or we moved when Megan was two. My time has now been altered.

I Love you girls.

too cute

We had a wonderful Easter weekend. We dyed Easter Eggs, Trek asked " When are we gonna kill the eggs?" I was wondering until I realized that we were going to "dye" them. (guess he puts kill and die together) LOL

Trisha said maybe it was because we were going to "hunt" them and he realizes when you go hunting you "kill" something. :)

Madison turned one over the weekend and she is just too cute. She discovered chocolate foil eggs in the boy's Easter baskets and proceded to help herself, until Christopher discovered her.

I Love you Girls

I have sort of gotten away from posting my feelings and day to day trials. I am so worried about making others feel down that I dont' want to post the sadness. AND I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me, I just need to get it out sometimes. When someone tells me they don't know what to say, that is enough. Just to know that I have people that will let me lean on them when I need too. I have met parents on this journey that are far down the road and they say it does not go away, I will always grieve and it will never be fair. Some of them have lost siblings or spouses and parents, and they say there is no grief like that of losing a child and that I don't have to feel guilty about having bad days.

I still have times that I bawl outloud because I miss the girls. Things still catch me off guard and make me catch my breath. One of those is this new song. The first time we heard it was when we were going to the cemetary, as we entered the gate this song came on the radio, we both just sat there not moving. What timing. (Sissy's Song) I have it here on the blog.

I do know how much I have to be thankful for, but some days are just too much.
I love you girls.

My Grandchildren

Spring is here. Today is the first day of spring. The weather this week has been awesome. We have been outside everyday. Wednesday on date night the kids played outside most of the evening. They usually have a great time together. This week they were racing the truck and the jeep and all of us adults sat on the patio and just enjoyed it.


Jonathan is becoming quite the little man. He is so thoughtful and caring for his younger siblings. Trek has discovered he loves Super Nintendo. Yes that is an older game system, but I got it out and hooked it up and he loves it. I can't believe he is almost 6! Caden has become "older" just recently, I was watching him "write" with a pencil instead of just scribbling, oh my! Miss Megan is just a doll, she loves to be held by all and is content to just sleep in your arms. Tyler is 4 now, oh dear, he loves anything with wheels, but especially trains and his new found love is Lego's. Madison is becoming a little girl, she is taking steps and knows exactly what she wants, when she wants it.


They all are so very special in their own ways. I was just sitting there the other night looking out at the yard and felt so warm and wonderful to see my children and their children smiling.


I got the girls their first Barbie's the other day, I need to get all the ones out of the attic so they can play. I also plan to get Megan's doll cradle down for them to play with.


Megan Lea
Madison 11 months


The boys :)
Tyler is four


I love you girls

Madison's Bear photos

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Today is Kendall's birthday

Today Kendall would be Two! I should be decorating a cake and helping with party plans. I have tried to stay busy this week, but somehow I still am in a funk. It seems like it is constantly in the front of my mind. I realize that this is how it is, but I wish I could just turn it off for a while. It is so mentally exhausting to feel so sad. I guess it is a sign that I am starting to accept and learn to live that I don't want to be so sad, but I am not really sure it will ever go away.

There are so very many things going on right now that I have plenty to keep myself busy, or you would think. Lots of news. Of course Megan Lea is here, she arrived on January 26. It was sort of an "emergency cesarean" not in the sense that it happened in the emergency room, but Trisha went in to the office and they said we are doing this now. She called about 3 and they put her in a bed and at 5 they were heading to the operation room so it was fast and furious. Megan arrived at 36 weeks weighing 6 lbs 7 oz and 19 inches long. She is so pretty! She had a little trouble with her breathing at first, but she is fine. The boys love having a little sister.

My son and his wife are buying a new house. It is awesome! They are going to be painting this weekend and then have carpet laid before they move in. Talk about a lot to do. They are going to be working hard!

Happy Birthday Kendall!

I love you girls.

Finally

I know I have not posted in more than a month. It has been 19 months and I still miss my girls everyday. Kendall would be a darling little girl now and would be talking and walking and I am sure have the cutest personality possible. Megan would be so very excited and dressing her in all the latest styles. New Years was tough, I kept thinking how much Megan would have loved going out as a 21 year old. I found some bling for their flowers and Happy New Year stars.

We began our Compassionate Friends Chapter. We have had two official meetings now. If you are not familiar with Compassionate Friends, they have a website (just google it).

The wonderful news is that they are going to be installing a traffic light at the intersection where the girls were killed. There are so very many accidents there.

Trisha is due any day now. We are all anxiously awaiting Megan Lea's arrival.
Hugs to you all.

I love you girls.